Dolores Umbridge and the Mysterious Package
by Ari-Griffin
Summary: 5th Year AU Story! Fed up with Umbridge and her rules, Harry and company decide to take matters into their own hands.


Dolores Umbridge and the Mysterious Package  
  
I do not own Harry Potter. He and all related characters, places, and items belong to J.K. Rowling.  
  
A huge thank you goes out to my beta, Heather. Without her, this story would have been horrible. Thank you, Demile, for helping me write the song and for answering many of the questions I had about the plot. Thank you, Rachel, for telling me my first Harry Potter fanfiction was good enough to put online. HP Sleuths be on the look out!  
  
Dolores Umbridge was chewing a mouthful of Sugar Frosted Quidditch Crunchies, when a lone eagle owl flew into the Great Hall. The handsome bird was carrying a medium-sized box that was wrapped in red-and-green- striped paper with a sparkling red ribbon tied around it. It caught the eyes of a few students who jabbed their neighbors in the sides and whispered, pointing at the box.  
  
'Probably a belated Christmas gift for the Boy-Who-Wouldn't-Die,' she thought to herself, swallowing the bite of cereal. The bird soared past Potter and his friends. 'A present for that dear boy Draco then.' However, the bird didn't turn to the Slytherin table. Instead, the raptor flew to the staff table. Dolores had just dipped her spoon into the bowl for another bite, when the tacky box landed in front of her bowl, narrowly knocking it over.  
  
The owl glared hatefully at Dolores from atop the package. After looking at the package suspiciously, she reached out her hand to release the bird from the package, when the bird swiftly pecked her on the hand – hard. She swore, very loudly. Several first years blushed at her choice of words. Everyone who hadn't already been looking at her turned and gaped at the High Inquisitor. A few students who had seen the owl peck her hand shook with silent laughter. The staff had different reactions. Minerva's lips drew into a line. Albus's eyes twinkled in merriment. Severus smirked, and tiny Professor Flitwick squeaked.  
  
She untied the string, wincing as the back of her hand began to bleed. After she finished untying the cord, the bird refused to move. Instead, he glared at her, waiting for an offer of water or some treat for delivering the package. "Shoo!" she shouted at the owl. The startled bird quickly took flight, knocking over Dolores's full glass of pumpkin juice. Some of the juice landed in her bowl, the rest of it pooled around her place at the table or trickling onto her robes.  
  
"Bloody bird!" she shouted at the retreating owl, picking up a sausage and chucking it at the bird. It hit a first year Slytherin instead. Dolores took a napkin and started to clean up the juice. Once she was done, she straightened the bow in her hair and refocused her attention to the present in front of her bowl. As she leaned her head down to inspect the parcel, she could feel all of the eyes in the Great Hall watching her.  
  
She coughed (Hem! Hem!) loudly, and everyone took that as a sign to look away, though they continued to watch out of the corner of their eyes. Dolores reached out her hand and carefully untied the red bow. The red ribbon fell limply onto the table. She slowly lifted the lid off of the box, put it down on the table, and looked in.  
  
BOOM!!! A cloud of multicolored smoke wafted out of the container. Staff and students alike were staring openly at Umbridge and the box. Colin Creevey instinctively grabbed his camera from his book bag. As soon as the smoke dissipated, a deep singsong voice that sounded remarkably like the Sorting Hat's came from inside the box.  
  
'You don't look like a Martian,  
  
Or even an old bull dog.  
  
In fact you look remarkably,  
  
Like a toad, er, I mean frog.  
  
With that in mind,  
  
To keep you from being blue,  
  
We have decided to give you several friends,  
  
And a snack or two.'  
  
As the song ended, several students applauded respectfully. Several members of the audience were grinning as if they were mad. "STOP IT!" Dolores yelled at the ones who clapped. She started to yell again, but was cut off by a loud rumbling from inside the box.  
  
Dolores watched in terror as the box began to shudder. Colin quickly snapped a photo of the look on Dolores's face. Most of the students and staff had to hide grins of amusement. All of a sudden the box stopped and fell over so that the opening faced her. She stared into the box, and found a pair of chocolate brown eyes staring back at her!  
  
Dolores shrieked loud enough to wake the dead (and it did, since all of the castle's ghosts glided into the Great Hall soon after, complaining of the loud noise) as the thing slowly hopped out and onto the table. The ghosts stopped complaining once they saw what the commotion was. Glaring back at her was the largest chocolate frog she had ever seen. After a few moments of silence, the frog gave an almighty Ribbit!, and jumped onto Dolores hair, where it refused to budge. Panic forced her to remain in her seat, or was it the leg locker curse someone sent in her direction?  
  
Shortly after the frog had latched itself onto her hair, no less than twelve smaller chocolate frogs spilled out of the box. Several of the chocolate frogs hopped onto Umbridge's clothes, where they latched on. Dolores screamed and frantically clawed at the frogs, but they wouldn't budge. Colin and a few other students were snapping pictures, and the rest were openly laughing at the 'show.'  
  
Neville Longbottom had been taking a swig of pumpkin juice just before the huge chocolate frog came out of the box. After seeing the chocolate frogs attack the High Inquisitor, he laughed so hard the juice flowed out of his nostrils and onto his robes. In fact, several students were in desperate need of a change of robes (or at least a drying spell), due to the same thing. Albus Dumbledore's eyes were bright with amusement. Ron, Fred, and George had fallen onto the floor in fits of giggles. All (yes, all) of the students were laughing. The only staff members who weren't laughing were Dolores and Argus Filch.  
  
"STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP LAUGHING!" Dolores yelled at the students, but they ignored her and continued laughing. The staff did not attempt to stop themselves and their charges from giggling. "THAT'S IT!" she spat as the leg locker curse wore off. As Dolores stood up, she smashed a few frogs on the edge of the table. She glared at the students by table, not giving them a second thought. Until she came to the Gryffindor table.  
  
Harry Potter was laughing so hard he had almost joined Ron and the twins on the floor. When Dolores's eyes fell upon Harry, she saw red. "POTTER!" she screeched. Harry stopped laughing and quickly jerked his head to look at Professor Umbridge. Dolores ran around the high table, and down the aisle Gryffindor table shared with Hufflepuff. The room was silent. "I KNOW YOU DID THIS!" she roared in his face, the chocolate frogs croaking in mockery. "YOU LITTLE..." Dolores reached for her wand. Harry opened his mouth to reply, when Dumbledore stood up.  
  
"Dolores," the Headmaster thundered. "You have no proof Mr. Potter sent you the gift, and please refrain from attacking the students." His eyes sparkled brightly with merriment. "I suggest you clean up, Dolores, class will be starting soon." Dolores snarled as she tucked her wand back into her robes. "This isn't over, Potter," she hissed into Harry's ear. Dolores then turned and marched out of the Great Hall, the frogs bobbing up and down as she walked. Dumbledore sat back down saying, "That was the best laugh I have had in years."  
  
Harry grinned and clapped Neville on the shoulder. "That was wonderful, sending Umbridge Fred and George's Chocolate Attack Frogs." Neville thanked Harry, reached into his book bag and pulled out some chocolate frogs. He offered one to Harry, who took it, opened it and bit the frog's head off. 'That was a great prank,' Neville thought as he picked up his bag and walked off to Herbology.  
  
No chocolate frogs were harmed in the making of this story.  
  
So, how was it? Did you figure out Neville was the one who sent Umbridge the present before you read the end? HP Sleuths know in every Harry Potter book, the guilty person (or rat) always makes an appearance in chapter 13. There are 17 paragraphs in DUMP-the exact number of chapters in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer/Philosopher's Stone. Thank you for reading. I hope you liked the story. Please review! 


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